Trying to Improve

After taking assessment of myself as a wife, a mother, and a Christian, I see huge areas of potential improvement.  My goal in life is not to be average, mediocre or just barely skating by.  I desire to have a strong marital relationship rooted in Jesus, children who grow up knowing the unconditional love of a mom which then directs their attention to Jesus, and a more intimate and personal relationship with Jesus myself.  Boy, do I have a lot of growing to do!  Here are just a few changes I plan on implementing in these life categories.

My Marriage
**Prepare little notes to include in husband's lunch more often (this has pretty much blown by the wayside with the arrival of David)
**Devote more time to cleaning the house, when possible, because a clean kitchen makes for a happy husband (aka...better time management)
**Initiate more loving touch such as shoulder rubs while my husband eats breakfast or mini back rubs while we watch television together
**Shower my husband with praise and words of encouragement
**Work hard at not letting a stressed husband get me all out of sorts, but instead take those moments and try to create a more relaxed state
**Pray for my husband more

My Children
**Get down and play more often...other things can wait until later...my kids will grow up too fast and I will have missed out on amazing activities and memories
**Be more consistent
**Shower my boys with praise and words of encouragement
**Practice using a lower voice when things get escalated
**Talk about God more
**Find ways to have individual time with each child
**Get James in the kitchen helping more frequently...he loves being included, and it would give him some individual attention while giving my husband time with just two
**Feed David his bottles without multitasking, when possible
**Pray for and with my children more

My Faith
**Make time for personal devotions and be consistent
**Read the Bible more
**Pray more...pray throughout the day
**Sing praise and worship throughout the week
**Try harder to give to those in need, when it is possible...for example people holding signs outside of stores, I can buy a bag of groceries for...practice generosity
**Act on what I know to be right

Hard to Sleep

My husband had to go into work early this morning to make changes to a firewall (computer stuff)...early as in leaving our house around 3:30 a.m.  I happened to be up feeding David a bottle when my husband got ready.  I had made some blueberry muffins for him to take in to work to share with the coworkers that would be assisting him as well as picked up some orange juice.

Once he took off, and I got David settled, I crawled back into bed.  I find it always more difficult for me to fall back to sleep when my husband is gone.  I end up hearing every little noise on top of having an empty bed to sleep in.  I know part of this is liking the security of having my husband at home, and the other part is because we have little kids, and I am on extra alert when I am the only one home at night.  It didn't help that the neighbors a couple doors down started talking loudly with their dog barking, and I had to get up and close the windows to block out the noise.

I am glad my husband only has to do these early hours once every couple months or so.  The poor guy is going to be exhausted because the lack of sleep from having a newborn in the house will only compound his exhaustion.  I am sure he will be taking a nap when the older two boys go down today.

Best Anniversary Gift

Today my husband and I have been married for seven years.  We went out for dinner Friday night to celebrate.  This morning we drove over to the county office and picked up baby David, James' sibling.  He is such a tiny little thing!  To most people he may seem like a bigger baby weighing in at 8 lbs. at 9 days old, but to us, he is a small baby.  Our point of reference are James who was 2.5 months old weighing 12 lbs. and Sam who was 1.5 months weighing 12 lbs. when they came into our home.  Baby David resembles James so much...they share a lot of common features...it is so neat to see that! 

David is a very calm baby so far...granted it is only his first day in our home; however, today has gone about as smoothly as we could have hoped for.  David slept a lot waking up to eat about every three hours.  He did have some portions of time where he was awake and looking around, but for the most part, David was content to snuggle and sleep.

James absolutely adores baby David!  He is so sweet and gentle with David, and it is so precious to witness.  James is always checking to see where David is, gently touching David's little feet or hands, gently rubbing his cheek against the top of David's head, or trying to share some of his favorite cars with David.  James has also been eager to help hold David.  He is an amazing big brother!

Sam, on the other hand, hasn't quite figured out the new baby brother.  He does point at David and say "baby" every once in awhile or sometimes Sam will get close and touch baby David.  For the most part, Sam doesn't seem overly concerned, but Sam is quite fascinated with David at the same time.  If David starts making noises, Sam is transfixed just staring at David for a few moments.  Sam has been a little extra clingy, but we expected that.  We have made sure to give time to both of our older boys throughout the day as they are adjusting.

Thankfully my husband has the week off work, so we can tag team all the boys and their needs...not to mention we have family stopping by to meet the new little one.  The week off allows my husband more time to spend with David as well as allowing me to develop a routine for when he returns to work.  We ran an errand as a family this afternoon, and it is different with three small children but manageable.

We couldn't be happier than to add David to our home on our anniversary.  What a pleasant surprise!

Big Decision

My husband and I have a big decision to make.  It isn't a simple yes or no type of decision.  There isn't a right or a wrong way to handle this decision.  It just requires lots of thought...weighing our choices and making the best decision for us at this point in time.

We have asked some friends and family members to be praying for us...mostly for God to give us guidance and wisdom...and peace with our decision.

I know I am being vague, and it is completely intentional.  If you are the praying sort, please add my husband and me to your prayers.  We would greatly appreciate it. 

Food Tour

Today my husband and I went on a daytime date.  We dropped our boys off at my parents' house and then headed to a quaint little historical town about an hour away for a food tour.  We were able to walk around this historical town learning about the historical aspects as well as stopping in at several restaurants or shops to sample some locally produced food items.

We started off sampling a potato boat, as the restaurant called it.  Basically it was home style potatoes with fresh veggies (carrots, snap peas, broccoli, red cabbage) and pesto sauce mixed together sprinkled with cheese and a dollop of sour cream.  This was actually my husband's and mine favorite sample we had the privilege of trying today.  Next we sampled two flat crust pizzas at another location...one was a meat pizza and one had pear, Gorgonzola, and balsamic vinaigrette.  Third we stopped at an artisan ice cream shop and got sample sized portions of ice cream.  The lemon custard was wonderfully creamy and delicious...it was essentially vanilla ice cream with a nice hint of lemon throughout.  The mint chip ice cream was too earthy for me...way too intense of a flavor.  The mango sorbet was alright.  A winery was the next stop, but my husband and I decided against the wine tasting; however, we did sample the olive oil and balsamic vinegar available.  Following this stop, we hit up a truffle shop and were given the ability to choose any flavor we would like.  Both my husband and I got the dark bittersweet chocolate truffle, and it was creamy and delicious.  Finally we stopped at a family friendly pub and had samples of their onion straws and a pulled pork sandwich.  My husband did the beer sample at the pub, but I opted out.  Those who partook in the beer sample were given small glasses of a light and dark beer to try.  My husband decided he likes beer as much as he always has...not very much at all.

Overall it was a fun experience, and we enjoyed the quaint town thoroughly.  The food tour itself was interesting in both the historical and culinary aspect.  We are glad we signed up for this non-typical date, but we don't think we will sign up for any of the other food tours this company offers...not because we didn't enjoy ourselves and not because of the tour leader...she was wonderful, but mostly because the other food tours are nearby to our own town, and it doesn't seem nearly as fun as the town we did visit today.

Weekend Getaway

My husband and I try hard to make sure we get at least one date night a month, so we have time to focus on our marriage relationship and reconnect with one another.  Several different wise adults have told us to make sure we make our marriage a priority...especially once children are involved.  It gets far too easy to get caught up in life, and sometimes we mistakenly put our children and their needs at the utmost center of the family.  I am not saying our children's needs are not important...on the contrary, they are extremely important, and when the children are younger, they require even more from the adults in their lives.  At the same time, though, a husband and wife need to devote time to strenghten their relationship, so when difficult times come (which they will), the relationship is already strong enough to handle the situation together.  Also our children learn what relationships should look like by watching their parents.  I believe more is learned through observing a parents' interactions than just the conversations a parent has with their child.  For example, if a parent tells their child they need to respect their girlfriend and treat them well, but behind closed doors they see that same parent speak condensendingly and be physically rough with their spouse, the child is not learning how to treat their girlfriend well.

March was a little crazy because of all the birthday celebrations, so we didn't actually go out on a date but rather had a couple in-home date nights...making a nice dinner and dessert together after the boys are asleep.  I have mentioned before that my husband has always wanted to eat at a Michelin star restaurant, so I made reservations and lined up my in-laws as baby-sitters for the evening.  As a much unexpected and appreciated gesture, my husband's parents got us a hotel room for the night and offered to keep our boys overnight (as a birthday gift to my husband).  This opportunity was a rarity because we do not often leave our boys overnight...by our own choice.  Every once in awhile it is nice to take an evening off, be able to sleep in and just appreciate each other and our boys all the more.

Saturday we dropped the boys off at their grandparents and then headed out to our destination.  We checked into our hotel, walked around the city doing some window shopping, got all fancied up for our Michelin star dining experience, ate dinner, walked to a tall hotel to enjoy drinks and admire the panaramic view of the city, returned to the hotel for bed, walked to breakfast the next morning, walked around a little more and then headed back towards home.

Although we enjoyed our Michelin star experience, we decided we are not huge fans of high end French cuisine.  We were not fans of the gazpacho, saffron soup, foie gras, plum souffle (it was too eggy and not much flavor other than that) and I didn't care for the buffalo either...it was far too strong of a flavor for me.  We did enjoy the salmon souffle, swordfish, halibut, kobe beef cheeks, and chocolate souffle along with some of the little small dessert samplers.  I asked if they had lemonade, and I was told they could make some for me, so I got some delicious, freshly made lemonade which was really nice.

The bar we walked to after dinner was something we had found quite by accident.  We had a nice view out our hotel window, and I had asked my husband about one of the really tall buildings that looked interesting, and when we looked it up, we found out it was a hotel with a bar located towards the very top with a panaramic view of the city.  After reading that, we had to go just to enjoy the view together since it isn't something we will be doing on a regular basis.  We ended up ordering virgin strawberry daquiris because neither of us are big alcohol consumers, but both of us found the virgin daquiris to be way too sickly sweet, but that was okay because we figured it was our admission price to enjoy the view.  It was beautiful up there, and we got to see the city lights come on.  A fun experience...

For breakfast we went to a crepery located just a block and a half from our hotel.  We got the breakfast crepe (ham, eggs, cheese, peppers) and the philly cheesesteak peppers (just like it sounds) and split them.  They came with some potatoes on the side.  We also had some freshly squeezed orange juice.  It was a nice breakfast, and we ate at a table outside and people watched as we enjoyed our meal together.

We had a great time on our getaway, but we were also glad to return home to our precious boys who were happy to see us.  We sure are lucky...  : )

In-Home Date Night & Delicious Ice Cream

Last night my husband and I had an in-home date night...just meaning we purposefully set aside the time after the boys go to bed to have a date night together...not to do household chores or work on the Jeep or anything else that might occupy the to-do list, but to spend some quality time together.  We do this periodically, and it is really nice.  

Usually we will cook a meal and dessert together which we don't get the pleasure of doing very often due to two little boys that demand our attention.  Last night this was the plan, but then my husband and James made the most delicious pizza for dinner, so my husband and I decided we would eat that with the boys and then just make a dessert together instead of a whole meal.  We figure we will save the rib eye and all the other sides we had considered for another night instead...although my husband did have to cook up the rib eye (which we sampled, and it was finger licking good!) since it had been set to room temperature to make cooking easier.

For the dessert, I had chosen a homemade ice cream to try out.  I took a couple ideas along with my own thoughts and merged them into a wonderful creation.  I knew I wanted to start with a chocolate base...just because my husband and I love chocolate so much.  Forty Cakes had a wonderful Chocolate Ice Cream recipe I choose to try out for the base, and I am glad I did.  The consistency is wonderful, and the flavor is perfect.  This might become my go-to chocolate ice cream base for the future.  I wanted to add mix-ins to our ice cream, and I wanted to do something a little different than just throwing in some candy chunks.  While perusing the internet, I ran across Pixelated Crumb and was so taken in by the beautiful pictures that I took some time to pour over the recipes, and I stumbled upon Raspberry Swirl and Brownie Ice Cream.  Can you say incredibly delicious looking?!  In all honesty, I found this recipe before the chocolate ice cream one mentioned above.

I ran with the idea, but using some of my own creativity.  I switched the base to chocolate which I already told you.  I did use the brownie and swirl idea from this site though.  The brownies were incredibly rich, fudgy and perfect...for eating in general, but especially in the ice cream.  I ended up making a 9x13 pan instead of 8x8 because my 8x8 was occupied.  I just decreased the baking time and watched/tested the brownies carefully.  They only needed to bake for twenty minutes altogether.  Now onto the swirl component.  Instead of doing a raspberry swirl, I decided to try for a strawberry swirl instead.  I bought some fresh, organic strawberries (they were on sale the same price as the regular strawberries), cut them up, added a little sugar and a splash of pure vanilla extract (I didn't like the idea of using vodka, and vanilla extract has some alcohol to help with the fruit not completely freezing...or at least that was my thinking).  I let the strawberries rest in the sugar and vanilla for a little while and then I pulsed them in my food processor.  The small chopped up chunks of brownies went into the freezer, and the strawberry puree went into the fridge while we focused on the chocolate custard ice cream base.

Once the ice cream base was complete and cooled in the ice bath, it was poured into the ice cream machine and set churning.  As that process ended, we mixed the brownie chunks in right away and then layered ice cream with spoonfuls of the strawberry puree, swirled it around with a knife a little bit and set it in the freezer to harden up.  Granted when we ate the ice cream last night, it hadn't had enough time to set up completely, but even so, it tasted so wonderful.  I think chocolate, strawberries and brownies ended up being a winning combination.

 **A picture of the ice cream after getting the brownies and strawberry puree mixed throughout and before getting put into the freezer to harden.

 

**A scoop of ice cream ready to be eaten...you can clearly see the strawberry swirl, but the brownies are not super noticeable in the picture.  They sure tasted good though!  Perhaps next time we may add more brownie chunks than we did...my husband seemed to think it needed more, but it might have been the scoop he ended up getting because mine had a decent load of brownies throughout.

Don't those pictures make you want to run out and either buy or make your own ice cream?

Hard Decision

For a little while now my husband and I have been seriously discussing whether or not we will be closing our home once Sam's adoption is final.  When I say closing our home, I mean not taking in any more children...even siblings to our boys.  Before we would have told you we would do everything in our power to keep the siblings together...meaning we would always have a spot open if James or Sam had a sibling come into care, so they could grow up together.  However, it was much easier to say and think that when only James lived in our home.  That would have been easy...of course we would have taken his siblings in a heartbeat, but the fact is, his sibling never came into care...he stayed in the home with his birth mom.  We had waited past the time frame they would check in on James' birth mom and then we waited several more months afterward before we opened our home for the second time and ended up with our precious little Sam.  We wouldn't change that at all.  We love both boys so incredibly much, and they are growing to love one another as well...in the way siblings do.

The dilemma is it is highly unlikely any of James' siblings will come into care, but there is a good possibility that Sam will have siblings come into care in the future.  We don't want to create a situation where one boy has a blood sibling in the home...someone who looks so similar and shares the same history, and the other boy becomes the outcast.  Of course I am not talking in the eyes of my husband and myself...I am talking only in the sibling relationships.  We wonder what damage that would cause to the sibling relationships as the boys grow older.  We wonder if one child will look at the two brothers who look similar and resent them because he cannot have that.  We want our boys to love each other and treat each other as brothers do...whether they are blood related or not.  This is hard to explain, and I don't know if my words are making sense to you.

In a way it reminds me of my dad (technically my step dad who adopted me, but I think of him as my dad) who when he married my mom ended up with three children whom he loved as his own.  My parents talked about having kids together, but my dad choose not to because he was afraid his feelings for them would be different than his feelings for us, and he didn't want to create that environment in our home.  In a way I think my husband and I are trying to protect the environment in our home through this difficult decision.  We love our sons too much to add in unnecessary emotional pain if it can be avoided.

We cannot predict the future, obviously.  Perhaps we are overreacting and everything would be fine if we took in a sibling.  It may be that James and Sam choose to disassociate themselves from one another as they get older anyway...seeking out their birth families instead.  Truth be told, they may very well do the same to my husband and myself.  There is no way to know what the future holds, but in the meantime, we feel responsible to make decisions to protect our family and our home the best way we know how.  And, in this situation, we have decided against taking in any siblings.  Once Sam's adoption is final, we will be closing our home and moving forward in establishing our lives together without the involvement of the county or agency.

Allowance

My husband is such a sweet, caring man.  Last week he brought me home these flowers just because he wanted to let me know how much he appreciates the care I provide for our family...both our boys and himself.  The flowers made me feel loved.

Awhile ago my husband started designating a monthly allowance for both of us.  It sounds crazy, huh?  This is especially funny because we did poke fun at a couple we know who have allowances.  In their case, it is because the wife likes to spend money too much, so the amount of money spent needs to be limited.  In our case, my husband wanted me to make sure to do something for myself instead of always for everyone else.  I will admit, I am pretty frugal, and I don't spend much money on myself, so this has encouraged me to do so.  It is nice to know I have some money I can spend on whatever I want to purchase.  Before I would feel bad when I wanted to purchase something for myself, but now, I look forward to it, and I know it makes my husband happy.

My husband also has an allowance, but that is to try to limit his spending.  : )  In our home, my husband tends to be the big spender.

All this to say, I appreciate my husband and how much he loves our family.  He is the love of my life, and I am so thankful to call him my husband and the father of my kids.  I couldn't be luckier.  : )