Double Whammy

Poor David has been quite miserable the past couple days, so today I took him to the doctor's office.  Come to find out the poor baby not only has RSV (infection of the lungs and breathing passages) but a double ear infection too!  That's just wrong!  However, now that we have antibiotics for his ears and breathing treatments for his coughing and wheezy breathing, David should be on the road to recovery quickly.

Sibling Visits

James and David

Towards the beginning of January we had sibling visit with the older adopted brothers of James and David.  This was our second get together with all three families (technically we saw one of the families when we went to Disneyland).  We invited everyone to come to our house since the weather is questionable at this time of year.  Everyone stayed for about five hours before they finally departed and went their own ways.  It was great to see the boys all interact together.  James seemed to gravitate to his oldest brother, Andy.  This may be because James had just seen Andy in Disneyland, or it could be because Andy was the first to arrive, and James and Andy were able to play for about an our before Ted showed up, or it could just because James is more drawn towards Andy...who knows.  James did play with Ted as well, but he definitely seemed to stick closer to Andy.

The awkward moments of the visit included not being informed that we would be exchanging gifts.  It was after Christmas, and honestly, we just didn't think about it.  Well...we felt absolutely awful because the other families came bearing gifts galore.  I am not exaggerating when I say it was like Christmas morning in our house all over again (that is how many gifts were given).  We did speak with the other families, and it has been decided in the future, it will discussed in advance, so all families are aware of the plans regarding gifts.  This is just one of the little ways we are reminded that we are new to the group, and they already have quite the established relationship developed.  Another way it is pointed out that we are new and still in "probationary mode" is the fact that after each get together the other two families always immediately get together to "debrief" about the visit.

One of the families seems really open to getting together whenever we can make it happen.  This is Andy's family, the one we met up with at Disneyland.  However, Ted's family, or should I say his mom, seem to think if my family is getting together with them, the other family must be present as well.  This was shown to me when I discussed going to the beach together sometime, and the dad was enthusiastic about it, yet his wife started suggesting beaches much farther away that would allow all families to participate.  It will be interesting to see how all of our relationships develop.  We definitely want a good relationship for the sake of our boys and their siblings, but right now, in the beginning stages, it is quite difficult.

Sam

We had an unexpected couple of visits with Sam's older brother, Tom, this month as well.  This is the same brother we had court ordered visits with when Sam was a foster child.  We received a call from Tom's mom (she finally adopted him in November...thank goodness!) stating that she would be moving out of state in eight days and would like to get the boys together for pictures before they left.  We, of course, were more than willing to make that work; my husband even took a day off work, so he could be present.  The first visit we had one day notice (very typical of this lady).  We met at park and played for a little over an hour.  It was interesting to say the least.  A birth aunt was there although we were not informed in advance that she would...supposedly she is the most normal of their family.  When it was time to leave, the mom wanted to get together one more time, so we set up a decision to get together Sunday late afternoon.  That was cancelled very last minute and rescheduled to the following day in the evening.  We met at Burger King (not our pick), and the kids played in the play area...although they didn't really play that much together.

We are glad we got together with Tom before he moved away.  I was able to get some cute pictures of the brothers together.  We are sad that he moved out of state.  We always thought he could be a biological connection for Sam as he got older because it seemed like their plan was to stay here indefinitely.  It is sad to see that forced away from Sam.  It isn't Sam's fault his parents couldn't take care of him.  It isn't Sam's fault he was separated from his siblings (not that he has ever really known them).  This isn't how a family is supposed to be...you are supposed to be raised by your parents and live with your siblings.  Don't get me wrong, we choose to adopt our children, and I love our family, but I feel so bad that we cannot give them what they may need as they get older.  At least James has David, a biological connection in our home, and he also has the connection with his older adopted brothers which I think will always be available to him.  Right now Sam has no connections.  We are still hoping if his birth parents have another child, we will be able to take that child in, so Sam, too, can have a biological connection in our home.

Did I mention James thinks it is so cool that Sam has a "faraway brother" too?  This is the coinage we have come up with to help James process why his brothers do not live with him.

My Thoughts

It is hard being an adoptive parent, not knowing what your kids will need as they get older as far as biological connections and information related to their birth families. I know even giving birth to a child, you don't know how they will handle situations as they get older, and you try your best to set them up for success, but you cannot control the choices they make.  In my mind, that feel so magnified as an adoptive parent because there are so many factors at play, and we don't have the complete story.  We don't know the genetics or health history.  You are always left wondering is this just because the child is __ years old or is a reflection of the drug use they were exposed to in the womb.  Will they choose to follow the path of their birth family as they get older (not so much as in seeking out their birth families...we will help coordinate that when they are adults [18] and can handle everything that encompasses that decision)...but the choice to use drugs, give away their bodies, and continue the cycle of CPS in their lives.  We certainly hope through our prayers and modeling, we can help them choose a good life for themselves.  However, I am no fool.  I know even in birth families, children make their own decisions.  After all my two brothers both dealt with a lot of issues in their teen years and beyond.  I only want what is best for my boys, and I want to be able to give them what they need as they get older, but I don't know if I will be able to...either because of my limited knowledge or the severed relationships that won't be put back together.  It is all so mind boggling.

Long Time

It has been a long while since I have even logged onto this site.  I guess I needed a break from this all.  However, I have missed having a journal type space to write down thoughts.  I even considered buying myself an actual journal to dialogue in, but it is so much quicker and easier to type than it is to write.  Given that my three little ones keep me so busy, I don't always have the greatest amount of free time for that sort of thing.  : )

Let me try to update on the boys and our family in a general manner to kind of catch us all up to speed...

**Birth dad never showed for either of the visits he scheduled to see David.  I showed up with the baby as well as my caseworker, but the birth dad never came...he didn't even bother to call the second time.  My worker called him once he was ten minutes late.

**We filed for DeFacto parent status for David and were granted it towards the end of December.  This allows us access to what takes place at court and also gives us a preferential treatment as far as adoption and everything else goes.

**The .26 hearing (termination of parental rights hearing) for David took place this month.  Parental rights were terminated.  Now we have to wait out the appeal period.  About mid-March, we should be able to sign intent to adopt paperwork and get an adoption date scheduled with the court.

**We have been to the snow twice this year as a family (well...technically once last year and once this year).  We went up Christmas Eve morning for a snowshoe trip and then on New Year's Day just to play in the snow.

**We have been on one hike as a family this year so far.  One lesson I learned is David is going to need to start being carried in a backpack carrier for hikes.  He is getting too heavy to lug around in the Bjorn.

**We have found a system that seems to work well for getting Sam to fall asleep (both at nap and bedtime).  Basically we allow him to take some books to bed with him and leave the light on, so he can read them to himself.  He usually falls asleep with a book open across his lap.  It is pretty adorable.

**David was starting to sleep through the night before he got his most recent cold.  He is not fully recovered yet, but I am getting up at least once a night with him at the moment.  Hopefully once he is back to normal, he will return to sleeping through the night.  David does, however, fall asleep on his own without having to be rocked all the way to sleep.

**James has recently started to learn how to kick and use his arms while swimming.  He really enjoys his swim lessons, and often I have to drag him out of the pool when his class time is over.

**In January we had visits with both James' and David's older adopted siblings as well as a couple visits with Sam's older adopted brother (the one we used  to have court ordered visits with).  I will try to do a separate post on those visits at a later time. 

**The adoption support group we started at our church seems to finally be gathering a core group of members who come regularly.  This may also be a separate post later.

There is plenty more that has happened, but I will leave it at this for now and will try to post more regularly to update on life and whatever things come up in the future.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!  I hope you have a blessed day filled with fun times and great memories!

I am busy preparing some rolls for our Thanksgiving feast (well...actually for our Thanksgiving dinner, a dinner at our church for families in the area and for our Advent dinner coming up on Sunday).  The ones for Sunday will visit the freezer once they cool.  I don't know if I have mentioned these garlic knots before or not, but if not, you are seriously missing out on some completely wonderful dinner rolls.  Generally I follow the recipe and make eight huge rolls, but for today's sake (needing so many rolls), I used the dough to make 16 rolls each batch.  My second batch is about the come out of the oven, and I have one more to go.  Even dividing the dough up into 16, the rolls are quite large.  I may just do that in the future instead of 8 giant rolls.  Oh, and those of you scared of using yeast, this is super friendly recipe.  I am sure you will be successful if you give it a whirl.

This afternoon we will head to my family's house to celebrate Thanksgiving together.  This is a holiday we rotate families each year.  It makes it far less stressful this way.  I am bringing pumpkin cheesecake (made it for the first time), garlic knots, and some smoked salmon our neighbor brought us bake from his trip to Alaska (a thank you for watching his house for him).  It should be a fun afternoon together.

I am thankful...

I am married to a wonderful man who adores me and loves our children.
We have been blessed with three delightful boys who fill my heart with joy.
We have family that lives nearby.
I have the ability to stay home and raise my children.
We were able to refinance our home because not only will it save us money each month, but it will allow us the option to purchase a larger house for our growing family.
We got in contact with James' and David's older siblings and started a relationship with their families.
And much, much more!

Possible Visits AGAIN

I received a call from my agency worker today.  Apparently David's county worker called to inform us that David's birth dad has been calling her repeatedly about having visits with David.  Why the county worker waited until now to pass on the information I don't know.  Anyway...we are being told to set up visits twice a month for one hour of supervised visitation with the baby.

Last time birth dad requested visits, we set it up quickly and everyone showed up except birth dad.  Then we never heard from him again and he didn't attend the last court hearing either. That visit was supposed to take place in early September.

So far to date birth dad has not seen David once except perhaps if he was present at the hospital when David was born.  David is now five months old and has just hit the separation anxiety really well.  In fact recently we had two family members baby-sit the boys for us (each at a different time), and David cried almost the whole time we were gone.  Then this weekend when I put David in the nursery, I was paged within the first twenty minutes of service (if not sooner) because David kept crying and would not calm down.  He is definitely expressing the fact that he is feeling attached and bonded, and as an adoptive mother, I am grateful for that...even if it is not always convenient and even if David is hitting the separation anxiety far earlier than James did (James was closer to nine months).

I will be interested to see 1) if birth dad will show up to the visits he is requesting 2) if David will cry the entire or almost the entire time and 3) how well birth dad handles a crying baby and whether he wants to schedule any more visits afterward.

The court date to terminate parental rights is set for January, so it is important we get the visits rolling if the birth dad is requesting them, so they cannot be used as a basis for appeal...not given your right to visit your child. 

I do have those pictures I printed for birth dad back for his September visit.  Now I just need to decide if I will provide additional ones or just leave it at that for now.  Also I should probably pick up a disposable camera in case birth dad does show up.  It would be nice to have something to offer both David and James as they get older if they are curious about what their birth dad looks like.

I was quite frustrated when I first got the voicemail from my agency worker, but now that I have talked with her and realize the visits will only be twice a week, I am handling it a lot better.  I did give my worker fair warning that David will most likely cry the entire time.

Progress Report

It has been a few days since I have last logged on.  I am going to put together a quick progress report of the newest developments in our home.  I still have Disneyland to eventually write about as well as some adoption related thoughts, but for now I will just give a general update on our little boys.

James

James has really stepped up as a big brother lately...giving up a toy he is playing with because Sam wants to use it, comforting both brothers when they are upset, giving hugs away freely, etc.  Last night James even read a couple board books to Sam based off how James remembers the stories...it was such a sweet, loving moment to witness.

Swim lessons are going well.  James has gained a lot of confidence in the pool and has started pushing off all on his own and gliding out to his teacher with his head under water.  He really enjoys his time at swim lessons.

Sam

Sam is readjusting to his bedtime routine after our trip to Disneyland.  He is finally starting to settle back in where he stays in his room after being put to bed the first time. 

Thankfully Sam's eye that was injured was only a minor scratch...not in a location that could affect vision.  We have ointment to apply three times a day to prevent infection.

Sam continues to develop his vocabulary and can communicate quite well.  He also understand a lot more than some people give him credit for.  He is an amazing little guy.

David

David has started babbling a lot lately making the "da", "ba" and "ga" type sounds.  It is really adorable to hear.

I have restarted rice cereal with David now that he is healthy again.  He is eating a little bit more of it than before, but he still does push out some of the food.

Another assessment was done, and the verdict is still to refer David out to the county for a more thorough assessment to make sure intervention is not necessary.  David's problem solving area went from poor to good; however, his fine motor skills went from let's watch to poor.  Granted since David is older now, his assessment was for an older age range going up to six months, and he is just five months old today (the day of the assessment), so it may not be a concern at all.  We are going to have the county do their assessment.  I was told they may decide there is no need for services, or it is possible they will want to do some intervention activities to try to increase his development.  Honestly I am not concerned about his development thus far...he seems like any other baby his age, but perhaps there is a reason to be.  We will see what happens.

No Break for our Household

So...everyone is finally recovered or mostly recovered from the flu...Daniel still has the runs, but they are not that bad anymore.  Yesterday the boys played a lot during the day because they have been feeling so much better.  They were having a pillow fight, and one of the pillows accidentally caused James to fall into the wall giving him a bloody nose.  The pillow fighting was brought to a close, and it took awhile the regroup again.

Later on in the evening, James kicked his shoe off his foot, and it hit Sam right in the face.  However, it did not just hit Sam's face and make him cry...it actually hit his eye just right causing his eyeball to bleed slightly.  I put a call into the doctor's office this morning, and I am waiting to hear back on whether I need to bring Sam in to have his eye looked at.  It is possible his eye got scratched, and since Sam is not old enough to tell us if he has blurry vision, the doctor may want him to come in.  Since Sam is not having any apparent issues with his eye (excessive watering, rubbing it a lot, excessive blinking), the nurse is going to check to see if the doctor just wants us to keep a watch on Sam's eye or if he wants us to bring Sam into the office.  The doctor is all booked up with appointments for the day, so he would have to overbook himself in order to see Sam.  It has been a few hours, and I still haven't heard anything back.

This morning I woke up with a head cold, and I am having some minor abdominal pain.  We just can't catch a break in this household.  Hopefully everything will be resolved before next week since Thanksgiving and Christmas tree hunting (day after Thanksgiving) are all fun events taking place next week.