Lately (within the past few days) David has been sleeping for longer stretches at night. Although it is only an hour longer, it makes a big difference in the way my body feels.
Interestingly, David still desires to eat every two hours during the day. Every once in awhile one of David's daytime feedings goes longer if he takes a particularly extended nap, but for the most part, you can set David's schedule to eat every two hours.
I am grateful David has his days and nights ordered correctly. It would be a bit disappointing if David went longer between meals during the day but continued needing every two hours at night.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Sunday, July 29, 2012
Attending Church
In the past I have expressed my concern over James being promoted to a new Sunday school class. His current classroom (the one he was promoted to) is decorated in a cowboy theme. The first couple weeks in his new class, James requested that Daddy play with him for a few minutes at drop off time. Now James rushes into his class, not even bothering to tell Daddy goodbye. He also is excited about his cowboy class and will sometimes try singing the new songs he is learning. I am glad this promotion went so smoothly.
Sam will be in his current classroom (the walkers) for a long time still since the next classroom is the two year old room. Yesterday Sam did not cry at drop off although lately he has made it known he is not a happy camper at drop off time. I am not sure if Sam feels more comfortable in his class now, or if yesterday Sam just happened to be in an agreeable mood. It was pretty cute at pick up time yesterday, though, because once Sam spied me at the door, he came running. Too cute! Usually Sam will just keep playing, and one of the teachers will have to extract him.
We haven't placed David in the nursery yet since he is so young. David generally spends most of church asleep in the Bjorn. Once David starts getting too noisy or distracting, we will sign him into the nursery. We did the same thing for James and Sam when they were babies. We feel it helps with bonding and attachment.
Sam will be in his current classroom (the walkers) for a long time still since the next classroom is the two year old room. Yesterday Sam did not cry at drop off although lately he has made it known he is not a happy camper at drop off time. I am not sure if Sam feels more comfortable in his class now, or if yesterday Sam just happened to be in an agreeable mood. It was pretty cute at pick up time yesterday, though, because once Sam spied me at the door, he came running. Too cute! Usually Sam will just keep playing, and one of the teachers will have to extract him.
We haven't placed David in the nursery yet since he is so young. David generally spends most of church asleep in the Bjorn. Once David starts getting too noisy or distracting, we will sign him into the nursery. We did the same thing for James and Sam when they were babies. We feel it helps with bonding and attachment.
Saturday, July 28, 2012
Baking Cookies
James thoroughly enjoys helping in the kitchen, and it has been a little while since I have purposefully requested his assistance. I decided it was high time to change that, so preparations were made to allow James the opportunity to bake some cookies with my guidance. We even picked up a smaller bag of peanut butter M&M's at the grocery store the other day to add to our cookies.
Yesterday morning the house was nice and cool due to running the whole house fan all night, so I gave James the option of making cookies now or waiting until later. He choose now, and the timing was convenient since Daniel had just fallen asleep in the swing. However, Sam also wanted in on the action, so I ended up pushing two chairs up next to the counter (one for each child) and set some ground rules about being nice to each other during the cookie making process.
Surprisingly, baking with both boys went amazingly well. Sam mostly watched, and James did a lot of the measuring and dumping into the mixing bowl. They both thought it was great fun to watch the mixer beat the ingredients together. Once the dough was ready James and Sam helped add M&M's and chocolate chips. Then came the fun part...taste testing the cookie dough while the first batch went in the oven. GASP! Yes, I did allow each child some cookie dough to eat...isn't that one of the fun parts about baking? James and Sam were allowed to sample one cooled off cookie as well.
It was enjoyable allowing the boys to help make cookies...mainly because they had so much fun with it. Such a simple and easy to create joy...not to mention some adorable pictures of my two special helpers. A morning well worth the cleaning afterward... After all one of the first things James mentioned to my husband upon his return home today was the process of us making the cookies. James went as far to describe what we put in the mixer and how the cookies were completed. Apparently making cookies made a lasting impression for my little man.
Yesterday morning the house was nice and cool due to running the whole house fan all night, so I gave James the option of making cookies now or waiting until later. He choose now, and the timing was convenient since Daniel had just fallen asleep in the swing. However, Sam also wanted in on the action, so I ended up pushing two chairs up next to the counter (one for each child) and set some ground rules about being nice to each other during the cookie making process.
Surprisingly, baking with both boys went amazingly well. Sam mostly watched, and James did a lot of the measuring and dumping into the mixing bowl. They both thought it was great fun to watch the mixer beat the ingredients together. Once the dough was ready James and Sam helped add M&M's and chocolate chips. Then came the fun part...taste testing the cookie dough while the first batch went in the oven. GASP! Yes, I did allow each child some cookie dough to eat...isn't that one of the fun parts about baking? James and Sam were allowed to sample one cooled off cookie as well.
It was enjoyable allowing the boys to help make cookies...mainly because they had so much fun with it. Such a simple and easy to create joy...not to mention some adorable pictures of my two special helpers. A morning well worth the cleaning afterward... After all one of the first things James mentioned to my husband upon his return home today was the process of us making the cookies. James went as far to describe what we put in the mixer and how the cookies were completed. Apparently making cookies made a lasting impression for my little man.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Grocery Shopping with Three
Today was the second time I have taken all three boys grocery shopping with me. The first time was last week, and it went much better than I had anticipated. The older boys, James and Sam, drove the car attached to the front of the grocery cart and were content the whole way through the store. David rode in the Bjorn both trips and just slept the entire time. Today was a little different in that the seat belt in the car shopping cart could not be adjusted, and Sam could work his way out rather easily. I started off by giving James and Sam both half of a granola bar to snack on while we went through the grocery store. Once Sam realized he could achieve freedom, he was trying to climb out of the moving cart, so I moved him into the front seat of the cart. However, Sam really didn't like that and started screaming at the top of his lungs, and if you have ever heard Sam scream, you know it is LOUD. I pulled him out and just carried him on my hip for a portion of the trip before he wanted back in the car with James. Other than that, the trip went fairly well. I only plan on taking all the boys for smaller grocery store runs, and I feel confident that with each trip I will learn, and it will get better.
When I do have all three boys with me, I accept the offer of help to take my groceries to my car. It just makes everything run so much smoother. In the past, even with my two older boys, I would always take the groceries out myself, we would unload them, return the cart and load up into the car. However, now I am able to start loading the boys while the worker unloads all my groceries into the back.
When I do have all three boys with me, I accept the offer of help to take my groceries to my car. It just makes everything run so much smoother. In the past, even with my two older boys, I would always take the groceries out myself, we would unload them, return the cart and load up into the car. However, now I am able to start loading the boys while the worker unloads all my groceries into the back.
Saying No & Feeling Guilty
I will be calling back a county worker tomorrow morning to decline placement of James' and David's two year old brother, Lucas. This decision is the best one we can make for both our current, immediate family and for Lucas. However, just because this decision is made thinking about all sides of the equation doesn't mean our hearts don't hurt having to say no. Saying no is an incredibly hard and heart breaking task.
When Lucas was first put into voluntary care, we were informed the family requested he was removed by the time the weekend was over because Lucas was far too aggressive, and it wasn't safe for their baby. This information made us realize perhaps our home isn't ideal since we have so many young children. Not knowing whether this aggressive behavior was a result of being scared, we asked for information on his behavior the other day when we were asked about placement. We were told Lucas is aggressive when he plays, but he is easy to redirect...whatever that actually means. Besides that, Lucas is a typical two year old and is eating and sleeping well. This information came from the Children's Receiving Home where Lucas has been living since the first family requested his removal. That is another red flag to us because it should have been easy to place a two year old in a foster home, but instead he was put into more of a group home type setting.
The aggressive behavior is definitely playing a large role in our decision because we need to keep our current family safe, and we are not sure that would be possible in these circumstances. Beyond that, our hands are quite full with our current three kids, and putting another child in the middle of the age range, would be an incredible amount of work. We feel it would be detrimental to Lucas because he won't receive all the attention and care he will need due to the needs of the younger children, but at the same time, the other children would be pushed aside because the aggressive behaviors would need to be addressed right away because their safety would be at risk.
Basically I am not sure I could be a good mom to all four boys if we were to take Lucas in our home. I think all the children would suffer to some degree from adding an older child to the mix who we really have no information about...besides the fact that his parents are drug users, he was pretty much been homeless, he has no structure, he has been living with lots of people who have criminal records for a variety of disturbing reasons, etc. I fear more intense behaviors will surface as Lucas settles into a safe environment because, unfortunately, I believe he is victim to far more than we are aware of at the moment.
As it is now, sometimes I don't feel like a good mom. Adding another child, especially one with intense behavior, would only overwhelm me at this point in time. Not to mention, I don't think my current children would handle that adjustment well...bringing in a child older and bigger (besides James still being the oldest). Bringing a baby home was a natural way to add to the family, and the boys have taken it in stride (James has been good to go from the beginning, and Sam has recently adjusted to having a baby around). I would be adding more insecurity to their lives by adding an older child, and I don't want to do that for my current children's sake or for Lucas' sake. To be honest, it can feel overwhelming with three small kids, all three and under, throughout the day. I wouldn't change it though. I love my boys, and I am adjusting and getting a little more equipped to handle my three each day.
Hopefully despite my mistakes as a person and a mom, my boys will flourish and grow into secure young men. I definitely cannot do it on my own. I need God's help every step of the way.
When Lucas was first put into voluntary care, we were informed the family requested he was removed by the time the weekend was over because Lucas was far too aggressive, and it wasn't safe for their baby. This information made us realize perhaps our home isn't ideal since we have so many young children. Not knowing whether this aggressive behavior was a result of being scared, we asked for information on his behavior the other day when we were asked about placement. We were told Lucas is aggressive when he plays, but he is easy to redirect...whatever that actually means. Besides that, Lucas is a typical two year old and is eating and sleeping well. This information came from the Children's Receiving Home where Lucas has been living since the first family requested his removal. That is another red flag to us because it should have been easy to place a two year old in a foster home, but instead he was put into more of a group home type setting.
The aggressive behavior is definitely playing a large role in our decision because we need to keep our current family safe, and we are not sure that would be possible in these circumstances. Beyond that, our hands are quite full with our current three kids, and putting another child in the middle of the age range, would be an incredible amount of work. We feel it would be detrimental to Lucas because he won't receive all the attention and care he will need due to the needs of the younger children, but at the same time, the other children would be pushed aside because the aggressive behaviors would need to be addressed right away because their safety would be at risk.
Basically I am not sure I could be a good mom to all four boys if we were to take Lucas in our home. I think all the children would suffer to some degree from adding an older child to the mix who we really have no information about...besides the fact that his parents are drug users, he was pretty much been homeless, he has no structure, he has been living with lots of people who have criminal records for a variety of disturbing reasons, etc. I fear more intense behaviors will surface as Lucas settles into a safe environment because, unfortunately, I believe he is victim to far more than we are aware of at the moment.
As it is now, sometimes I don't feel like a good mom. Adding another child, especially one with intense behavior, would only overwhelm me at this point in time. Not to mention, I don't think my current children would handle that adjustment well...bringing in a child older and bigger (besides James still being the oldest). Bringing a baby home was a natural way to add to the family, and the boys have taken it in stride (James has been good to go from the beginning, and Sam has recently adjusted to having a baby around). I would be adding more insecurity to their lives by adding an older child, and I don't want to do that for my current children's sake or for Lucas' sake. To be honest, it can feel overwhelming with three small kids, all three and under, throughout the day. I wouldn't change it though. I love my boys, and I am adjusting and getting a little more equipped to handle my three each day.
Hopefully despite my mistakes as a person and a mom, my boys will flourish and grow into secure young men. I definitely cannot do it on my own. I need God's help every step of the way.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
No-Show
Yesterday was supposed to be a visit with birth mom. She was a no-show. She didn't call and cancel like she has done in the past...she just never came. I had printed off some pictures of David for her and put them in the visit bag. I will leave them there in case she decides to continue visits. Sadly thus far birth mom has only attended two out of a possible six visits, and those were the very first visits we had set up.
So...I was frustrated at first when the visits started, and now I am frustrated again because birth mom was a no-show. She just can't win, I suppose. And, neither can I...I still fail to have a picture of her for my boys...or anything else to offer them.
So...I was frustrated at first when the visits started, and now I am frustrated again because birth mom was a no-show. She just can't win, I suppose. And, neither can I...I still fail to have a picture of her for my boys...or anything else to offer them.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Freshly Made Bed
Honestly, I wish I were better at making the beds in the morning. Not only does it look nice for appearance sake, but it also feels good to have a completed bed when the evening comes, and sleep is desired. However, it is rare that our bed is made earlier in the day. Generally we are putting the bed together right before we climb inside to go to sleep. Part of this is because the mornings are quite busy around here, and my husband and I wake up at different times, and part of it is probably laziness on my end...I mean, how long does it really take to make a bed?
James is pretty funny regarding his blankets on his bed. When he goes to sleep, whether it is for a nap or bedtime, he insists that his blanket doesn't have any holes in it, as he says. This means the blanket needs to be evenly spread across the bed, and you should not be able to see the sheets poking out anywhere. If the foot of the bed happens to have a "hole", James will insist you fix it for him before he is content to lay down and fall asleep. Just one of James' quirks that make him the adorable boy he is. : )
Recently I discovered that James also likes having a freshly made bed. While James and Daddy were out running errands, Sam and I were playing in James' room because the little kitchen set is located there. I took James' blanket and spread it evenly across his bed, so I had a good place to set baby David down while Sam and I were playing. Well...later that evening, when James noticed his bed was made, he was super excited and said "Thank you for making my bed nice." If something so little can bring so much joy to my child, I really need to get into a better habit of making the beds in our house.
James is pretty funny regarding his blankets on his bed. When he goes to sleep, whether it is for a nap or bedtime, he insists that his blanket doesn't have any holes in it, as he says. This means the blanket needs to be evenly spread across the bed, and you should not be able to see the sheets poking out anywhere. If the foot of the bed happens to have a "hole", James will insist you fix it for him before he is content to lay down and fall asleep. Just one of James' quirks that make him the adorable boy he is. : )
Recently I discovered that James also likes having a freshly made bed. While James and Daddy were out running errands, Sam and I were playing in James' room because the little kitchen set is located there. I took James' blanket and spread it evenly across his bed, so I had a good place to set baby David down while Sam and I were playing. Well...later that evening, when James noticed his bed was made, he was super excited and said "Thank you for making my bed nice." If something so little can bring so much joy to my child, I really need to get into a better habit of making the beds in our house.
Monday, July 23, 2012
Odd Thunder & Lightening
While we were getting ready for bed, my husband and I noticed lightening in the sky. Odd weather for this area in July. Here I am up with David, waiting for him to fall back asleep, and lightening keeps illuminating the window I am sitting near, and I can hear the light rumbling of thunder. It just seems strange to go from a 100 degree day to this.
Earlier my husband and I were discussing how this same thing happened in June the night before James came into our home. That would have been three years ago. Funny how you remember some of these small details of life.
Earlier my husband and I were discussing how this same thing happened in June the night before James came into our home. That would have been three years ago. Funny how you remember some of these small details of life.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Little Tattletale
We have a neighbor girl who we are trying out as a potential baby-sitter option to have on hand. She is sixteen and seems really sweet. My husband and I like the fact that she actually gets down and interacts with the boys while she is here. We also like her house being right across the street because her parents are nearby if she needs help.
The first time she watched the two older boys while I took David in for his WIC appointment, I called her the day of, and it just so happened she was available. This worked out wonderfully because WIC was running behind schedule, as usual, and it was so much less stressful with just one child to attend to. My husband made it home before I did, so he paid our neighbor and sent her home.
Then we had our first adoption support group at our church (the one we started...I will write more on that at a later time), so we asked our neighbor to once again watch the two oldest boys for a couple hours, and we took David with us. We came home and sent the girl back to her house (of course we paid her and checked in on the night). After the neighbor went home, we were asking James what he did and if he had fun. Here is the conversation:
Me: What did you do with Miss Sue?
James: I jumped on the trampoline.
Me: Oh, so you played outside for awhile?
James: We played outside a long time.
Me: Did you have fun on the trampoline?
James: Yeah! And, Sam stepped on a thorn. Miss Sue called on the phone...then knock knock on the door...her mom came and got the thorn out...and we put on shoes so we didn't step on any thorns.
The poor neighbor girl was probably embarrassed about this event (she didn't mention it to us), and here James, our little tattletale, is telling us all about it. We felt a little bad for her because we often let the boys in the backyard barefoot, and this has never happened before. We didn't even know there were thorns in our backyard. However this information was good for a few reasons:
1) Miss Sue will call her mom if she needs assistance (she has called me each baby-sitting time too, but those were questions on where to find something or where to dispose of dirty diapers). This is part of the reason we like how close she lives.
2) James will share with us when something out of the ordinary happens while in someone's care.
3) We found out we may have to be concerned about thorns in the backyard.
4) It reminded me that I should probably tell Miss Sue where our first aid kit is in case she ever need band-aids or anything like that. She may have called her mom because she didn't know where to find tweezers in our home.
The first time she watched the two older boys while I took David in for his WIC appointment, I called her the day of, and it just so happened she was available. This worked out wonderfully because WIC was running behind schedule, as usual, and it was so much less stressful with just one child to attend to. My husband made it home before I did, so he paid our neighbor and sent her home.
Then we had our first adoption support group at our church (the one we started...I will write more on that at a later time), so we asked our neighbor to once again watch the two oldest boys for a couple hours, and we took David with us. We came home and sent the girl back to her house (of course we paid her and checked in on the night). After the neighbor went home, we were asking James what he did and if he had fun. Here is the conversation:
Me: What did you do with Miss Sue?
James: I jumped on the trampoline.
Me: Oh, so you played outside for awhile?
James: We played outside a long time.
Me: Did you have fun on the trampoline?
James: Yeah! And, Sam stepped on a thorn. Miss Sue called on the phone...then knock knock on the door...her mom came and got the thorn out...and we put on shoes so we didn't step on any thorns.
The poor neighbor girl was probably embarrassed about this event (she didn't mention it to us), and here James, our little tattletale, is telling us all about it. We felt a little bad for her because we often let the boys in the backyard barefoot, and this has never happened before. We didn't even know there were thorns in our backyard. However this information was good for a few reasons:
1) Miss Sue will call her mom if she needs assistance (she has called me each baby-sitting time too, but those were questions on where to find something or where to dispose of dirty diapers). This is part of the reason we like how close she lives.
2) James will share with us when something out of the ordinary happens while in someone's care.
3) We found out we may have to be concerned about thorns in the backyard.
4) It reminded me that I should probably tell Miss Sue where our first aid kit is in case she ever need band-aids or anything like that. She may have called her mom because she didn't know where to find tweezers in our home.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Couple Cakes
By the way, as a side note, I was asked to make an add on wedding cake. They had ordered a professional one but needed a smaller cake to serve because they didn't think they would have enough. I was honored to be asked; however, I turned down the request for a few reasons. 1) Life is really busy/crazy/busy/crazy with three little kids, and I am still adjusting. 2) I would want someone's wedding cake (even if it was just the smaller serving one) to be perfect, and I didn't have the ability to dedicate that much time (see #1 above). 3) I am not good at frosting flowers yet, and I would think the best decoration for a wedding cake would be flowers. 4) I don't need all that added stress in my life at the moment (see #1, 2 and 3 above). However, like I did say, I was honored to be asked.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
Court Update
Court was held for David yesterday. The case was continued until August due to ICWA (Indian Child Welfare Act) not being informed in a timely manner. We are not too concerned about this because our son, James, came from the same parents, and the Indian portion never complicated his case. The paternity test came back positive, so the alleged father is the biological father. That means he also has legal rights to visits with David. I imagine those will be set up shortly. Hopefully both birth mom and birth dad can have visits together or we can have their visits back to back to cut down on travel time for the boys and me. I mean...my boys deserve to have some normalcy in the midst of all this craziness.
However, on the note of visits, birth mom did not make either of her visits this week because she is out of bus passes. I am not sure if this is a sign of what's to come or not. However, I am grateful she called in advance, so I didn't needlessly load all three kids up and drive over for no purpose. We will just have to wait and see if she makes the Tuesday visit next week or not. I would have thought for sure she would have made this week's visits because of court and all. So far she has only made 2/5 possible visits. Kinda sad...
However, on the note of visits, birth mom did not make either of her visits this week because she is out of bus passes. I am not sure if this is a sign of what's to come or not. However, I am grateful she called in advance, so I didn't needlessly load all three kids up and drive over for no purpose. We will just have to wait and see if she makes the Tuesday visit next week or not. I would have thought for sure she would have made this week's visits because of court and all. So far she has only made 2/5 possible visits. Kinda sad...
Lunch Dates with Daddy
My husband started a new activity today. He came home during his lunch break, picked James up, and took him out to eat at a restaurant. James was super excited both before and after his lunch date with Daddy. Next time it will be Sam's turn to go out to lunch with Daddy. This lunch date will happen every two weeks (every other week), and the child attending will rotate between James and Sam. Once David is quite a bit older he will be added to the rotation as well.
What a sweet way to spend one-on-one time with each child and to build memories together! My husband came up with this idea all on his own, and I think it is perfect. I love the way my husband loves our kids and wants to build relationships with them. He is an awesome man!
What a sweet way to spend one-on-one time with each child and to build memories together! My husband came up with this idea all on his own, and I think it is perfect. I love the way my husband loves our kids and wants to build relationships with them. He is an awesome man!
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Visit Cancelled
Yesterday was supposed to be a visit day; however, I was informed that birth mom cancelled...something about not having any more bus passes. I was surprised since court is today, so I would have thought birth mom would definitely make the visit right before court. Oh well!
I ended up taking the boys to a park play date with our moms group instead. That was nice because we hadn't seen many of those friends for some time. In fact only one or two moms had already met David before this point.
It was exhausting keeping up with all my boys at the park! Having other moms nearby with available hands made the park time slightly less crazy. Eventually I will get my rhythm with all three boys, but it is an adjustment on many levels.
I ended up taking the boys to a park play date with our moms group instead. That was nice because we hadn't seen many of those friends for some time. In fact only one or two moms had already met David before this point.
It was exhausting keeping up with all my boys at the park! Having other moms nearby with available hands made the park time slightly less crazy. Eventually I will get my rhythm with all three boys, but it is an adjustment on many levels.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Public Health Nurse
There is a new system for foster children that requires a public health nurse to come out to the home for a visit and to assess the child developmentally. Yesterday morning was our visit. I was given several pamphlets, none of which I need to reference...shaken baby, effects of smoking around babies, car seat safety, why babies cry, etc. The nurse also asked about doctor's appointments and establishing WIC for the baby. Basically she wanted to make sure the child is getting proper medical care and nutrition, and it also gives them extra eyes from professionals on the child's well being. Since these public health visits were originally started due to poor foster children care, this all makes sense.
The assessment was essentially a questionnaire along with some participation on David's part. The nurse told me she isn't fond of this assessment tool because it covers from one month all the way to three months using the same criteria, and those of you whom have raised infants know a lot changes throughout that age range. I was able to answer yes to many questions, and there were quite a few that were no. Nothing concerned the nurse since David is on the one month side of things, and he realistically shouldn't be able to perform all the listed tasks.
I was told the public health nurse will be closing this case. Sometimes cases are left open when there are large concerns, and more visits would be scheduled. I should expect to hear from Early Intervention within the next couple months. They will also be required to come to the home and do an assessment. One thing is for sure...with both the public health nurse and Early Intervention assessments, issues with the children should be caught hopefully early and services put into place to assist that child.
The assessment was essentially a questionnaire along with some participation on David's part. The nurse told me she isn't fond of this assessment tool because it covers from one month all the way to three months using the same criteria, and those of you whom have raised infants know a lot changes throughout that age range. I was able to answer yes to many questions, and there were quite a few that were no. Nothing concerned the nurse since David is on the one month side of things, and he realistically shouldn't be able to perform all the listed tasks.
I was told the public health nurse will be closing this case. Sometimes cases are left open when there are large concerns, and more visits would be scheduled. I should expect to hear from Early Intervention within the next couple months. They will also be required to come to the home and do an assessment. One thing is for sure...with both the public health nurse and Early Intervention assessments, issues with the children should be caught hopefully early and services put into place to assist that child.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Different Eyes
I have noticed over time my perspective changes. I start to see through different eyes. This is true regarding multiple subjects, but for the moment, I am going to focus on my view perspective as related to foster care and adoption. Starting at the beginning of our journey when we first had James placed in our home to life to now with three children, two adopted, one foster baby...just in this short time (3 years) my thoughts and perceptions have become altered.
Clothing
I love to buy baby/toddler/little boy clothes. It is fun to go shopping and find great deals and cute clothing items. When we first had James in our home, my husband and I made a decision that we would not dress James in any clothing that talked about Mommy or Daddy because it didn't seem right...at least not while his parents still had legal rights. It wasn't until James' adoption was final that we started buying or receiving clothes that spoke about Mommy or Daddy.
With the next two little boys, we were not concerned about whether the clothing said Mommy or Daddy on it because technically while the children are in our home, we are their foster Mommy and Daddy, and we are taking care of all their needs as a parents does...not to mention loving them as our own from the beginning. We didn't dress the kids in Mommy/Daddy type clothes for visits because that seemed wrong since obviously the kids don't just wear their clothes for visit days.
Pictures
From the very beginning I started to develop pictures and put them aside for James' birth mom. I thought it was a small gesture and something meaningful to the birth parents...or at least I would have wanted that if the roles were reversed. Well...once James came to our home, his birth mom never showed up for visits, and after a couple weeks, I stopped developing pictures for her since we couldn't get a hold of her.
With Sam I also developed pictures for his birth parents. I printed off several of them (with only Sam in the picture and no identifying information) and put them in separate envelopes for each parent. I did this about once a month, and I know the birth dad appreciated it because he even asked the transporter to request more pictures. The birth mom only got one set of pictures before she stopped showing up for visits, and the county has her remaining pictures, but she was never willing to come in to get them although they called and let her know they were available to her. I was also able to send in a disposable camera and got some pictures of Sam with both his birth mom and birth dad. Those pictures may be very special to Sam as he gets older.
Now with David I finally sent in an order to get a few pictures developed to send to birth mom's next visit. I think there are seven pictures in all which is not an incredible lot, but it is still a nice gesture. I realize I do not have as many individual pictures of David because a lot of times other people are in the pictures with him...part of that is because he is so young, but the other part is because some of the pictures of Sam or James with David are so stinking adorable. I will try to do the once a month send some pictures for David's birth mom, and I plan to buy a disposable camera to get some pictures of the two of them...if possible because those pictures may be important to David or even James as they get older.
Visits
With James I actually wanted the birth mom to show up for the visits...if nothing else so I could tell James she did when he got older. I kept holding out hope that James would be the reason/motivation for the birth mom to turn her life around...not that I wanted James to leave our home or anything...but it would be good for the birth mom to change her lifestyle.
Sam's visits were run by the county with a transporter involved for pick up and delivery. This is an incredibly odd circumstance because generally the county wants the agency to take care of all of these details. However, there was grave concern for our family's safety, so the visits were established this way, and we were even told not to attend the court hearings. These visits were frustrating...partly because the huge safety concern and partly because they affected James so much. James did not like seeing Sam loaded into a stranger's car and driven away, and I can't say I can blame him because I didn't care for it at all. The visits would mess up Sam's schedule for the remaining part of the day.
Now with David I don't look forward to the visits at all. I am waiting for the birth mom to stop showing up, as she has done with all her children in the past. I have so many mixed emotions in relation to the visits, and it is hard to decipher through them all. Not only that, but it is a bit of a pain to load all three boys up, drive David over, drop him off for a visit, entertain the other two for an hour and then return to pick up David. Even at this young age, David seems a little clingy after visits...not wanting to be put down...just simply wanting to be held. The visits have reeked havoc on Sam's napping schedule as well. Each time (only twice now) Sam has fallen asleep on the drive home (maybe 20 minutes), and he is unwilling to continue or have a decent nap upon our arrival home. In other words, Sam doesn't sleep long enough on visit days and is a little more grouchy in the later afternoon/evening.
I cannot express myself very well, and I am not sure if I am making the greatest sense, but the reality is my sense of idealism that permeated my thoughts at the beginning of our journey down the foster/adoption road, has been clouded over, muddied up and changed. I no longer see the best in the circumstances or wish for a 180 change from the birth parents. Instead I see a sad situation where a woman is so addicted to drugs she has lost her ability to function as a parent to her children. I would have thought losing a child would have been enough to force a lifestyle change, but it never did, and I don't see how losing baby #5 can make a larger, more lasting impression.
Where is my faith? I serve a BIG God, and I believe he makes miracles happen all the time. However, this goes beyond that and gets stuck in the personal choice. In order to get out of years and years of drug addiction and change your entire lifestyle and everything you know up to this point, you would have to want that change, and not only that, but you would need God in your corner helping you overcome. It wouldn't be a simple road by any means, and I do believe it is possible, and if I am completely honest, I do hope some day James' and David's birth mom will find a way to break through this addiction and lead a healthier life. In my human limitations, though, I don't see that happening in the very near future.
Clothing
I love to buy baby/toddler/little boy clothes. It is fun to go shopping and find great deals and cute clothing items. When we first had James in our home, my husband and I made a decision that we would not dress James in any clothing that talked about Mommy or Daddy because it didn't seem right...at least not while his parents still had legal rights. It wasn't until James' adoption was final that we started buying or receiving clothes that spoke about Mommy or Daddy.
With the next two little boys, we were not concerned about whether the clothing said Mommy or Daddy on it because technically while the children are in our home, we are their foster Mommy and Daddy, and we are taking care of all their needs as a parents does...not to mention loving them as our own from the beginning. We didn't dress the kids in Mommy/Daddy type clothes for visits because that seemed wrong since obviously the kids don't just wear their clothes for visit days.
Pictures
From the very beginning I started to develop pictures and put them aside for James' birth mom. I thought it was a small gesture and something meaningful to the birth parents...or at least I would have wanted that if the roles were reversed. Well...once James came to our home, his birth mom never showed up for visits, and after a couple weeks, I stopped developing pictures for her since we couldn't get a hold of her.
With Sam I also developed pictures for his birth parents. I printed off several of them (with only Sam in the picture and no identifying information) and put them in separate envelopes for each parent. I did this about once a month, and I know the birth dad appreciated it because he even asked the transporter to request more pictures. The birth mom only got one set of pictures before she stopped showing up for visits, and the county has her remaining pictures, but she was never willing to come in to get them although they called and let her know they were available to her. I was also able to send in a disposable camera and got some pictures of Sam with both his birth mom and birth dad. Those pictures may be very special to Sam as he gets older.
Now with David I finally sent in an order to get a few pictures developed to send to birth mom's next visit. I think there are seven pictures in all which is not an incredible lot, but it is still a nice gesture. I realize I do not have as many individual pictures of David because a lot of times other people are in the pictures with him...part of that is because he is so young, but the other part is because some of the pictures of Sam or James with David are so stinking adorable. I will try to do the once a month send some pictures for David's birth mom, and I plan to buy a disposable camera to get some pictures of the two of them...if possible because those pictures may be important to David or even James as they get older.
Visits
With James I actually wanted the birth mom to show up for the visits...if nothing else so I could tell James she did when he got older. I kept holding out hope that James would be the reason/motivation for the birth mom to turn her life around...not that I wanted James to leave our home or anything...but it would be good for the birth mom to change her lifestyle.
Sam's visits were run by the county with a transporter involved for pick up and delivery. This is an incredibly odd circumstance because generally the county wants the agency to take care of all of these details. However, there was grave concern for our family's safety, so the visits were established this way, and we were even told not to attend the court hearings. These visits were frustrating...partly because the huge safety concern and partly because they affected James so much. James did not like seeing Sam loaded into a stranger's car and driven away, and I can't say I can blame him because I didn't care for it at all. The visits would mess up Sam's schedule for the remaining part of the day.
Now with David I don't look forward to the visits at all. I am waiting for the birth mom to stop showing up, as she has done with all her children in the past. I have so many mixed emotions in relation to the visits, and it is hard to decipher through them all. Not only that, but it is a bit of a pain to load all three boys up, drive David over, drop him off for a visit, entertain the other two for an hour and then return to pick up David. Even at this young age, David seems a little clingy after visits...not wanting to be put down...just simply wanting to be held. The visits have reeked havoc on Sam's napping schedule as well. Each time (only twice now) Sam has fallen asleep on the drive home (maybe 20 minutes), and he is unwilling to continue or have a decent nap upon our arrival home. In other words, Sam doesn't sleep long enough on visit days and is a little more grouchy in the later afternoon/evening.
I cannot express myself very well, and I am not sure if I am making the greatest sense, but the reality is my sense of idealism that permeated my thoughts at the beginning of our journey down the foster/adoption road, has been clouded over, muddied up and changed. I no longer see the best in the circumstances or wish for a 180 change from the birth parents. Instead I see a sad situation where a woman is so addicted to drugs she has lost her ability to function as a parent to her children. I would have thought losing a child would have been enough to force a lifestyle change, but it never did, and I don't see how losing baby #5 can make a larger, more lasting impression.
Where is my faith? I serve a BIG God, and I believe he makes miracles happen all the time. However, this goes beyond that and gets stuck in the personal choice. In order to get out of years and years of drug addiction and change your entire lifestyle and everything you know up to this point, you would have to want that change, and not only that, but you would need God in your corner helping you overcome. It wouldn't be a simple road by any means, and I do believe it is possible, and if I am completely honest, I do hope some day James' and David's birth mom will find a way to break through this addiction and lead a healthier life. In my human limitations, though, I don't see that happening in the very near future.
Hard to Sleep
My husband had to go into work early this morning to make changes to a firewall (computer stuff)...early as in leaving our house around 3:30 a.m. I happened to be up feeding David a bottle when my husband got ready. I had made some blueberry muffins for him to take in to work to share with the coworkers that would be assisting him as well as picked up some orange juice.
Once he took off, and I got David settled, I crawled back into bed. I find it always more difficult for me to fall back to sleep when my husband is gone. I end up hearing every little noise on top of having an empty bed to sleep in. I know part of this is liking the security of having my husband at home, and the other part is because we have little kids, and I am on extra alert when I am the only one home at night. It didn't help that the neighbors a couple doors down started talking loudly with their dog barking, and I had to get up and close the windows to block out the noise.
I am glad my husband only has to do these early hours once every couple months or so. The poor guy is going to be exhausted because the lack of sleep from having a newborn in the house will only compound his exhaustion. I am sure he will be taking a nap when the older two boys go down today.
Once he took off, and I got David settled, I crawled back into bed. I find it always more difficult for me to fall back to sleep when my husband is gone. I end up hearing every little noise on top of having an empty bed to sleep in. I know part of this is liking the security of having my husband at home, and the other part is because we have little kids, and I am on extra alert when I am the only one home at night. It didn't help that the neighbors a couple doors down started talking loudly with their dog barking, and I had to get up and close the windows to block out the noise.
I am glad my husband only has to do these early hours once every couple months or so. The poor guy is going to be exhausted because the lack of sleep from having a newborn in the house will only compound his exhaustion. I am sure he will be taking a nap when the older two boys go down today.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Diaper Fiascos
This afternoon while I was feeding David a bottle, David had his first dirty diaper explosion. Let's just say...I ended up needing to change my pants, change David's clothes and clean both David and myself up. Honestly I was grateful we were home when this took place. It would not have been fun to deal with out in public...not that it was fun in general.
Then this evening (or early morning if you prefer), when I went to get David out of his crib for a bottle feeding, I noticed the smell of dirty diaper permeating the area. I was thinking, "Oh boy! Here we go again!" The first thing I did was change David's diaper only to be surprised that it was just wet. When I placed David back in bed, I stuck my nose down near Sam and realized he was the smelly one. Unfortunately I had to pull a peacefully sleeping toddler out of bed to change his diaper...something every kid loves. Not only that but Sam had filled his diaper awhile ago, so I had to work at wiping him down.
I am hoping neither of these incidents is repeated anytime soon!
Then this evening (or early morning if you prefer), when I went to get David out of his crib for a bottle feeding, I noticed the smell of dirty diaper permeating the area. I was thinking, "Oh boy! Here we go again!" The first thing I did was change David's diaper only to be surprised that it was just wet. When I placed David back in bed, I stuck my nose down near Sam and realized he was the smelly one. Unfortunately I had to pull a peacefully sleeping toddler out of bed to change his diaper...something every kid loves. Not only that but Sam had filled his diaper awhile ago, so I had to work at wiping him down.
I am hoping neither of these incidents is repeated anytime soon!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Dreaded Phone Call
Sam's adoption took place on Monday, as you already know. While we were at the courthouse, I asked my county worker to please suspend the mandatory (court ordered) sibling visitations. That same day, I got a call from the foster mom who has Sam's older brother, but I let her go to voice mail because I didn't feel like ruining Sam's adoption day by talking with her. She basically asked me to call her because she had some questions for me.
I put off calling her back until today because quite honestly, I dreaded how the conversation might go. Since both older boys were asleep for their naps, and I had baby David sleeping peacefully on my chest while I rocked him in the rocking chair, I decided it was as good of a time as any to make the phone call. Surprisingly, the conversation went very well, and I feel like we ended the call on good terms. I do think the other mom was probably offended that we didn't tell her about the adoption ourselves, but we feel good with that decision because we cannot trust the information not to make it back to the birth parents.
The other mom did ask about continuing sibling visits, and I told her I also want to allow the boys to have contact, but for the moment, I need to settle in with our new baby and all of his visits and requirements. I told her once everything settles down, I would be willing to get together again. She told me to call when I feel ready to set up a visit. She just wanted to make sure we were still willing to get the boys together because she doesn't want them not to know each other as they grow up.
There was more to the conversation but nothing noteworthy. I am glad it went as smoothly as it did...I was a little concerned about how she might react. Apparently I didn't need to be so worried.
I put off calling her back until today because quite honestly, I dreaded how the conversation might go. Since both older boys were asleep for their naps, and I had baby David sleeping peacefully on my chest while I rocked him in the rocking chair, I decided it was as good of a time as any to make the phone call. Surprisingly, the conversation went very well, and I feel like we ended the call on good terms. I do think the other mom was probably offended that we didn't tell her about the adoption ourselves, but we feel good with that decision because we cannot trust the information not to make it back to the birth parents.
The other mom did ask about continuing sibling visits, and I told her I also want to allow the boys to have contact, but for the moment, I need to settle in with our new baby and all of his visits and requirements. I told her once everything settles down, I would be willing to get together again. She told me to call when I feel ready to set up a visit. She just wanted to make sure we were still willing to get the boys together because she doesn't want them not to know each other as they grow up.
There was more to the conversation but nothing noteworthy. I am glad it went as smoothly as it did...I was a little concerned about how she might react. Apparently I didn't need to be so worried.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
So Thoughtful
There have been several people who have stepped forward and either offered us baby stuff to borrow, bought us baby items or just offered to assist in any way or to bring meals for our family. We are grateful for all the wonderful friends and family who have/are supporting us in this way. After all, we were the ones who had decided we were done at two kids, and we sold all our baby items just a month before getting baby David put into our home. Apparently God had other plans for our family, and we couldn't be happier to have the incredible addition of James' baby brother. However, initially it did put us in a slight bind to prepare for his arrival.
My husband's work even put together a diaper cake and had it sitting in his cubicle upon his return to work (he took the whole first week with David off work). The diaper cake had plenty of size 2 diapers (will work great since it will be the next size up), some washcloths, diaper rash ointment, baby socks, and an adorable green frog snuggle blanket. What a thoughtful gesture from my husband's coworkers!
I am thankful for each and every item sent our way. What a blessing it has been for our family!
My husband's work even put together a diaper cake and had it sitting in his cubicle upon his return to work (he took the whole first week with David off work). The diaper cake had plenty of size 2 diapers (will work great since it will be the next size up), some washcloths, diaper rash ointment, baby socks, and an adorable green frog snuggle blanket. What a thoughtful gesture from my husband's coworkers!
I am thankful for each and every item sent our way. What a blessing it has been for our family!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Oh, Happy Adoption Day!
Today was Sam's adoption day. We all arrived at the court house early, and we only had to wait a short while before we were called into the court room for the signing of the official, legal adoption paperwork. We had a smaller group of family members this time around (my parents, our aunt, and our niece) as well as three workers (one county and two agency workers) who have seen us through our journey. We took some pictures and then headed out to a restaurant for breakfast.
Breakfast was enjoyable, and all the little ones did extremely well both at the court house and at the restaurant. It was so nice to celebrate with our family together after the court gathering. It was also probably a good idea that we went somewhere nearby for breakfast as opposed to heading back to our house and feeding everyone there because Sam was reaching his limit by the time we were almost back home again. Everyone took a good nap after all the morning's excitement.
This afternoon we went over to a local water park to play since it was a hotter day than we are used to. Then we returned home, had dinner, played and got ready for bed.
It is so wonderful to have Sam added to our family through adoption! We appreciate everyone who has supported us as we have followed the foster/adoption path with all the twists, bumps and curves. At 16 months of age, Sam is now a permanent part of our family, and we now make all decisions for him without needing to seek case worker or court permission.
Breakfast was enjoyable, and all the little ones did extremely well both at the court house and at the restaurant. It was so nice to celebrate with our family together after the court gathering. It was also probably a good idea that we went somewhere nearby for breakfast as opposed to heading back to our house and feeding everyone there because Sam was reaching his limit by the time we were almost back home again. Everyone took a good nap after all the morning's excitement.
This afternoon we went over to a local water park to play since it was a hotter day than we are used to. Then we returned home, had dinner, played and got ready for bed.
It is so wonderful to have Sam added to our family through adoption! We appreciate everyone who has supported us as we have followed the foster/adoption path with all the twists, bumps and curves. At 16 months of age, Sam is now a permanent part of our family, and we now make all decisions for him without needing to seek case worker or court permission.
Finding & Ironing Clothes
Today is Sam's court adoption day. We have to be at the court house by 8:30 a.m. I bought matching button up shirts for all three boys. Let me just say finding matching shirts in sizes 0-3 months, 18 months and 3T proved to be a little difficult; however it was doable. Then yesterday we found button up shirts for my husband and myself that coordinated with the boys'. We will all wear khaki bottoms (pants for the boys and a skirt for me). Hopefully the end result is as good as I imagine it to be.
Before we headed to bed, I set up the ironing board and pressed all the adoption day clothes for everyone. This took a little bit of time since there were so many articles of clothing to iron. Our plan is to dress the boys in a regular t-shirt and change them into their dress shirts at the court house parking lot. That way if they need to eat breakfast in the car on the way (since it is pretty early to have them all up, fed, and dressed), hopefully their clothes can stay in decent condition.
Before we headed to bed, I set up the ironing board and pressed all the adoption day clothes for everyone. This took a little bit of time since there were so many articles of clothing to iron. Our plan is to dress the boys in a regular t-shirt and change them into their dress shirts at the court house parking lot. That way if they need to eat breakfast in the car on the way (since it is pretty early to have them all up, fed, and dressed), hopefully their clothes can stay in decent condition.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Trip to Library
Yesterday I wanted to get the boys out of the house for a little while, but I didn't feel up to doing a playground. Instead I figured we would make a trip to the library to possibly attend story time and get new library books. James was excited when I asked him if he wanted to go to the library, so I was happy to make it happen.
At the library James played some preschool geared games on the computer, and both Sam and James played with the toys while David (in the Bjorn) and I picked out new books to take home. Then after we checked out the books, James and Sam sat on a bench outside and ate their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I had packed for them.
Next as a reward for behaving so well at the library we walked over to ride the little train. Boy was it crowded at the train depot! Usually we can board the first train when we ride (just to give you an idea), but yesterday the train was already moving with a full load, and there were a lot of people waiting for a turn. We ended up having to wait for one more loaded train before it was our turn. Surprisingly James did an amazing job having to wait so long! It was David's first time riding the train (he just remained in the Bjorn and rode in the seat with me, obviously). James and Sam rode in the seat right behind me. They had a great time!
Before we headed home, we stopped by the little cafe next to the library, and I allowed James and Sam to each get a child's serving of ice cream. I was proud of how well they handled the wait at the train depot, and I wanted them to know I appreciated their efforts. After the ice cream, we headed back home, and the older two went down for naps while David consumed a bottle and then had a good length of awake time where I was able to interact with just him for awhile.
Overall a very successful trip to the library which made me happy because I was a little nervous about doing all of that on my own with the three boys. I am still adjusting to having so many little ones. I am happy to say I would feel comfortable attending the library again in the nearby future. : )
At the library James played some preschool geared games on the computer, and both Sam and James played with the toys while David (in the Bjorn) and I picked out new books to take home. Then after we checked out the books, James and Sam sat on a bench outside and ate their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I had packed for them.
Next as a reward for behaving so well at the library we walked over to ride the little train. Boy was it crowded at the train depot! Usually we can board the first train when we ride (just to give you an idea), but yesterday the train was already moving with a full load, and there were a lot of people waiting for a turn. We ended up having to wait for one more loaded train before it was our turn. Surprisingly James did an amazing job having to wait so long! It was David's first time riding the train (he just remained in the Bjorn and rode in the seat with me, obviously). James and Sam rode in the seat right behind me. They had a great time!
Before we headed home, we stopped by the little cafe next to the library, and I allowed James and Sam to each get a child's serving of ice cream. I was proud of how well they handled the wait at the train depot, and I wanted them to know I appreciated their efforts. After the ice cream, we headed back home, and the older two went down for naps while David consumed a bottle and then had a good length of awake time where I was able to interact with just him for awhile.
Overall a very successful trip to the library which made me happy because I was a little nervous about doing all of that on my own with the three boys. I am still adjusting to having so many little ones. I am happy to say I would feel comfortable attending the library again in the nearby future. : )
Friday, July 6, 2012
Mixed Emotions
David had his first visit with birth mom today. The drop off and pick up was extremely awkward in my opinion. My worker walked over to my car to get the baby and his diaper bag, and as she started to walk over to the office, the birth mom started walking over our direction. Then when we returned to pick up David, we happened to see the birth mom leaving, and she purposefully walked as slowly as possible past our car and was studying it quite intently. There are a couple reasons I didn't like this:
1) The birth mom is a big lady...she is tall and hefty. I don't know how I would hold up in a confrontation with her if she were to get physical.
2) We adopted James who is child #3 (David is child #5) for this birth mom...technically he is the last child she lost parental rights to. As of right now, the birth mom does not know James is with us although she may have her suspicions. James is too young to understand this whole complicated situation, so I do not want the birth mom to see him.
In the beginning of our foster/adopt journey, I was so ready to support visits. I put together pictures of the child and tried to be as accommodating as possible. The birth mom was a no show back then. Then with Sam, the parents were deemed a safety concern by the county, so we were assigned transporters for visits and asked not to attend court hearings. I still sent in some pictures and tried to make the baby look nice for the visits. This time around, I am more bitter when it comes to the visits. I have heard too many stories and have witnessed the shortcomings of CPS, and it upsets me. I still dressed David extra cute today and sent a diaper bag with plenty of supplies for the hour. I will continue to dress him up, and I will probably even send in a few pictures (of just David) along with a disposable camera to hopefully get some pictures of birth mom and baby. We never got pictures of the parents for James because they never lifted a finger to try to see him. It would be nice for both James and David to have a picture when they are older...if they even care to see the picture. However, it would be nice to have it available to them.
Anger
Part of me is angry with the birth mom. If she would stop allowing drugs to dictate her life, her children would be better for it. I am angry she is showing up for the visits at all, to be perfectly honest. Twice a week now I have to hand David over to a stranger essentially and allow her to snuggle him, feed him a bottle and take pictures of him. Basically she gets the benefits of being a parent without having to do any of the hard parenting parts. I am angry she never bothered trying for our oldest child, James, yet here she is making an effort with child #5.
Sadness
I do feel sad for the whole situation...that birth mom hasn't gotten her life together yet. I had some hope when she was allowed to keep baby #4 that things had changed...I had to hope because otherwise it meant #4 was living in a horrible situation, and it turns out that was the case. So many referrals were made to CPS on behalf of that child, and when the investigations took place either they couldn't find the child or he appeared fine at that specific point in time. This was the same child my husband and I waited for because we wanted to offer him our home. Now two years later the child may come into care, and we may not be able to offer a home for him because we have young children, and he may be a threat to them (so we have been told).
Frustration
I don't feel like anyone understands why these visits are making me emotional. They don't understand why it is so important to protect our oldest child from the birth mom. They don't understand why I didn't like the birth mom walking so slowly past our car. My husband and I feel there may be a safety concern for the birth mom to know us or our family yet no one else seems to see it that way. Instead we look like we are asking for too much.
1) The birth mom is a big lady...she is tall and hefty. I don't know how I would hold up in a confrontation with her if she were to get physical.
2) We adopted James who is child #3 (David is child #5) for this birth mom...technically he is the last child she lost parental rights to. As of right now, the birth mom does not know James is with us although she may have her suspicions. James is too young to understand this whole complicated situation, so I do not want the birth mom to see him.
In the beginning of our foster/adopt journey, I was so ready to support visits. I put together pictures of the child and tried to be as accommodating as possible. The birth mom was a no show back then. Then with Sam, the parents were deemed a safety concern by the county, so we were assigned transporters for visits and asked not to attend court hearings. I still sent in some pictures and tried to make the baby look nice for the visits. This time around, I am more bitter when it comes to the visits. I have heard too many stories and have witnessed the shortcomings of CPS, and it upsets me. I still dressed David extra cute today and sent a diaper bag with plenty of supplies for the hour. I will continue to dress him up, and I will probably even send in a few pictures (of just David) along with a disposable camera to hopefully get some pictures of birth mom and baby. We never got pictures of the parents for James because they never lifted a finger to try to see him. It would be nice for both James and David to have a picture when they are older...if they even care to see the picture. However, it would be nice to have it available to them.
Anger
Part of me is angry with the birth mom. If she would stop allowing drugs to dictate her life, her children would be better for it. I am angry she is showing up for the visits at all, to be perfectly honest. Twice a week now I have to hand David over to a stranger essentially and allow her to snuggle him, feed him a bottle and take pictures of him. Basically she gets the benefits of being a parent without having to do any of the hard parenting parts. I am angry she never bothered trying for our oldest child, James, yet here she is making an effort with child #5.
Sadness
I do feel sad for the whole situation...that birth mom hasn't gotten her life together yet. I had some hope when she was allowed to keep baby #4 that things had changed...I had to hope because otherwise it meant #4 was living in a horrible situation, and it turns out that was the case. So many referrals were made to CPS on behalf of that child, and when the investigations took place either they couldn't find the child or he appeared fine at that specific point in time. This was the same child my husband and I waited for because we wanted to offer him our home. Now two years later the child may come into care, and we may not be able to offer a home for him because we have young children, and he may be a threat to them (so we have been told).
Frustration
I don't feel like anyone understands why these visits are making me emotional. They don't understand why it is so important to protect our oldest child from the birth mom. They don't understand why I didn't like the birth mom walking so slowly past our car. My husband and I feel there may be a safety concern for the birth mom to know us or our family yet no one else seems to see it that way. Instead we look like we are asking for too much.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Busy Day
Today was a pretty busy day. It started of with David's doctor appointment. Thankfully our aunt was able to come stay with the older boys, so I could take just David in to the doctor's office. The appointment went really well. The popping of the knees is actually normal for newborns because they have lots of parts moving around, and it can cause joints to pop (knees, hips, shoulders). Once their muscles develop, it helps tighten everything up. It's hard to believe David weighed 9 lbs. 6 oz. already at his appointment too, and he has grown a good inch or so since birth. The doctor was extremely pleased with David's overall health and said he didn't need to see us again until David's two month appointment...unless, of course, issues come up that concern us between now and then.
Unfortunately, I had to deal with an incident of James biting Sam after I returned home. It happened while I was home and visiting with our aunt. The two boys were playing so happily, and then next thing I knew Sam was crying hysterically...like not breathing crying. James had bit Sam because he was drinking from his sports bottle...not a good response at all. James had a time out, a talk with me, apologized, had a quick lunch and then went right down for his nap instead of staying up and getting some special time with just me. This week James seems to be testing the boundaries...trying to figure out if all the rules still apply with the new baby brother, Daddy returning to work and Mommy being in charge of all three. I am hoping he is just testing boundaries, at least, and this is not a sign of the toddler attitude to come.
After naps I loaded all the boys up and drove over to my husband's work, so his coworkers could meet the newest addition. My husband's work was so nice and put together a diaper cake for us. It came with size 2 diapers (they probably figured we would have enough of the smaller sizes), baby washcloths, an adorable plush frog snuggle blanket, some baby socks and some diaper rash ointment. Wasn't that so thoughtful of them? I sure thought it was.
Next we had to drive over to have David's portion of the paternity test completed. That ended up being a little more of a process than I expected, but it makes sense. They had to take a thumbprint of David, take his picture, swab his mouth with long cotton swab sticks, and fill out some forms. I was told the birth dad had come in just a little earlier to complete his portion of the test which surprised me since birth dad has never bothered in the past. However, the lady also told me birth dad had a county worker with him, and she thinks the worker actually transported the dad for the sake of the paternity test.
We returned home, made dinner and got ready for the bath time and bedtime routines. Now we are putting together the homemade ice cream for our 4th of July get together tomorrow night.
Unfortunately, I had to deal with an incident of James biting Sam after I returned home. It happened while I was home and visiting with our aunt. The two boys were playing so happily, and then next thing I knew Sam was crying hysterically...like not breathing crying. James had bit Sam because he was drinking from his sports bottle...not a good response at all. James had a time out, a talk with me, apologized, had a quick lunch and then went right down for his nap instead of staying up and getting some special time with just me. This week James seems to be testing the boundaries...trying to figure out if all the rules still apply with the new baby brother, Daddy returning to work and Mommy being in charge of all three. I am hoping he is just testing boundaries, at least, and this is not a sign of the toddler attitude to come.
After naps I loaded all the boys up and drove over to my husband's work, so his coworkers could meet the newest addition. My husband's work was so nice and put together a diaper cake for us. It came with size 2 diapers (they probably figured we would have enough of the smaller sizes), baby washcloths, an adorable plush frog snuggle blanket, some baby socks and some diaper rash ointment. Wasn't that so thoughtful of them? I sure thought it was.
Next we had to drive over to have David's portion of the paternity test completed. That ended up being a little more of a process than I expected, but it makes sense. They had to take a thumbprint of David, take his picture, swab his mouth with long cotton swab sticks, and fill out some forms. I was told the birth dad had come in just a little earlier to complete his portion of the test which surprised me since birth dad has never bothered in the past. However, the lady also told me birth dad had a county worker with him, and she thinks the worker actually transported the dad for the sake of the paternity test.
We returned home, made dinner and got ready for the bath time and bedtime routines. Now we are putting together the homemade ice cream for our 4th of July get together tomorrow night.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Birth Family Visits
I received a call from a county worker today telling me that birth mom has been asking about visits. The worker wanted to know if I had heard from the birth mom at all. First of all, there should be no reason at all why the birth mom would be contacting me. I passed on my agency worker's phone number, so they can set up visits with her since she will be the one supervising the visits. I was told birth mom will be getting visits twice a week for an hour each visit.
Well...my agency worker stopped by about ten minutes later because she needed us to sign some papers. She had just received a call from the county worker letting her know about the visits, but she had to let the call go to voice mail at the time. Not only will birth mom be having visits twice a week, but I guess there is a maternal aunt who will also be having visits once a week for an hour. So 3 hours worth of visits a week...I know this sounds completely wrong, but I hope it is too much work for the family members to manage and the visits get reduced or dropped altogether. I did ask my agency worker to try to schedule maternal aunt's visits back to back with one of the birth mom visits in order to reduce our travel days to twice a week instead of three times.
I will still need to determine how I will manage visits with my older two boys. I am possibly going to drop the baby off a little early and then just head out to a nearby park or play gym and let James and Sam run around for awhile until we have to return to pick up baby David. Sometimes I might be able to manage getting a baby-sitter to help entertain the boys while I take David to the visits, but I don't think I can ask someone to do that twice a week for who knows how long.
I hope the visits go as smoothly as possible for my little guy once they get started. I would hate for him to cry the entire time...although he doesn't fuss much, and he does sleep a lot right now, so that probably won't be too big of an issue. You never know, though.
One step at a time...just take it one step at a time and pray that God gives me strength to push through this.
Well...my agency worker stopped by about ten minutes later because she needed us to sign some papers. She had just received a call from the county worker letting her know about the visits, but she had to let the call go to voice mail at the time. Not only will birth mom be having visits twice a week, but I guess there is a maternal aunt who will also be having visits once a week for an hour. So 3 hours worth of visits a week...I know this sounds completely wrong, but I hope it is too much work for the family members to manage and the visits get reduced or dropped altogether. I did ask my agency worker to try to schedule maternal aunt's visits back to back with one of the birth mom visits in order to reduce our travel days to twice a week instead of three times.
I will still need to determine how I will manage visits with my older two boys. I am possibly going to drop the baby off a little early and then just head out to a nearby park or play gym and let James and Sam run around for awhile until we have to return to pick up baby David. Sometimes I might be able to manage getting a baby-sitter to help entertain the boys while I take David to the visits, but I don't think I can ask someone to do that twice a week for who knows how long.
I hope the visits go as smoothly as possible for my little guy once they get started. I would hate for him to cry the entire time...although he doesn't fuss much, and he does sleep a lot right now, so that probably won't be too big of an issue. You never know, though.
One step at a time...just take it one step at a time and pray that God gives me strength to push through this.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Popping Knee
My husband and I have noticed baby David's left knee pops fairly often when it is moved. If our hand is resting near the knee we can actually feel the knee popping, and it doesn't seem right at all. We mentioned this to our county worker on Friday, and she was actually able to feel the knee popping as well which concerned her. She said her concern was that the knee was dislocated at birth because birth mom was quite aggressive during labor and delivery. Neither our worker or ourselves have much experience with babies so young, so our worker said she would check with the public health nurse and let us know what should be done. She was thinking we might have to take David into the emergency room to get it looked at since we don't have his medical card yet.
Instead of taking David into the emergency room, we were asked to contact the dr. who saw David for his newborn check and see if he had noted this concern at David's appointment. The doctor's office said everything was fine at the last visit, but we should mention it to the dr. when we bring David in for his appointment on Tuesday morning. Since I cannot get David switched over to our doctor we generally use for our foster children without a medical card, I will have to take him a little farther to be seen by the doctor the emergency foster home was using. I don't have any problems doing that...it really only adds about 15 minutes of drive time compared to where I usually go; however, I know the other doctor, so I feel good about using him. I am sure the doctor I will be seeing on Tues. will be fine as well though. Hopefully I can get David switched over to our regular doctor before his next appointment.
Also on Tuesday I will need to take David in for a paternity test. My worker says the process is extremely fast...they just have to take a swab of David's cheek. The birth dad has been ordered to have a paternity test done since he is not listed on the birth certificate. Because of this, we need to complete our portion of the paternity test by having baby David tested. So far birth dad has not called or shown up for his paternity test, but our worker will at least be able to let the judge know that everything is finished with the exception of birth dad submitting his DNA.
There is a high possibility birth dad will not step forward for the paternity test because in the past when it has been scheduled for other children, birth dad has never come to his appointment. Also right now they still have the two year old in their care, and they are worried about losing him, so they will most likely stay out of sight. That is a whole other story, and a very sad one at that...let's just say I feel so bad for the toddler and what he has been subjected to in his short little lifetime. I wish he would have been pulled at birth, so he wouldn't have experienced all the pain and craziness that is his life. It is a complete disservice that the toddler was left in the birth family home especially after numerous referrals for the child's safety. It makes me sick. : (
Instead of taking David into the emergency room, we were asked to contact the dr. who saw David for his newborn check and see if he had noted this concern at David's appointment. The doctor's office said everything was fine at the last visit, but we should mention it to the dr. when we bring David in for his appointment on Tuesday morning. Since I cannot get David switched over to our doctor we generally use for our foster children without a medical card, I will have to take him a little farther to be seen by the doctor the emergency foster home was using. I don't have any problems doing that...it really only adds about 15 minutes of drive time compared to where I usually go; however, I know the other doctor, so I feel good about using him. I am sure the doctor I will be seeing on Tues. will be fine as well though. Hopefully I can get David switched over to our regular doctor before his next appointment.
Also on Tuesday I will need to take David in for a paternity test. My worker says the process is extremely fast...they just have to take a swab of David's cheek. The birth dad has been ordered to have a paternity test done since he is not listed on the birth certificate. Because of this, we need to complete our portion of the paternity test by having baby David tested. So far birth dad has not called or shown up for his paternity test, but our worker will at least be able to let the judge know that everything is finished with the exception of birth dad submitting his DNA.
There is a high possibility birth dad will not step forward for the paternity test because in the past when it has been scheduled for other children, birth dad has never come to his appointment. Also right now they still have the two year old in their care, and they are worried about losing him, so they will most likely stay out of sight. That is a whole other story, and a very sad one at that...let's just say I feel so bad for the toddler and what he has been subjected to in his short little lifetime. I wish he would have been pulled at birth, so he wouldn't have experienced all the pain and craziness that is his life. It is a complete disservice that the toddler was left in the birth family home especially after numerous referrals for the child's safety. It makes me sick. : (
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